Ed Woods

Cross Dressing Tip Du Jour:  If you're gonna cross dress you can't do it half-assed.    You can't just throw on a sundress from the discount rack and call yourself a cross dresser. This is NYC you need to step up your game.   And where are your friends?  You need an intervention.  Someone should have had the decency to tell you that your ensemble doesn't work.  I would have but, you seemed engrossed in your free newspaper.  And er... you looked too crazy to approach.

E-Beef: When Superpoking Goes Awry

Even in the face of the alleged shortage of good black men-- nothing justifies this deep-fried ghettoness dipped in crackhead hot sauce.  Unfortunately there is something ghettoier than taking your four-year-old to a rated R movie, 10 o’clock at night and telling her to stop crying and close her eyes during the violent scenes-Facebook beef.  Really, Torrie Emery- E-beefing?  What she superpoked your man one too many times?  She liked his statuses one too many times?  Did she de-freind you?  

Relationship Tip Du Jour: When engaging in a high speed chase with your romantic rival- first make sure your three-year-old is not in the back seat; second make sure you don’t kill anyone and last make sure he’s worth it.  Like Bill Gates, I can hire a legal team to get you off like O.J. and Robert Blake and long-term therapy for the kid worth-it.  Like Kobe Bryant, sorry I effed up here’s a house on your finger worth-it.  Like Tiger Woods here’s a check for $300 million can I see the kids every other weekend worth-it.  Heck I’d take, I got a nine-to-five, don’t drink too much and won’t beat you, so what if my teeth are little crooked, hope you don’t mind I live with my mama worth-it.  Torrie you should have taken a page from Clara Harris’ (you’re goggling her right now) and Lorena Bobbit’s- “Woman Scorned for Dummies- How to Eff Up- A Can’t Keep it in His Pants Low Down Dirty Dog.”  It would have saved Alesha Abernathy’s life.  Torrie Emery a cheating, incarcerated brother- not worth-it.
http://www.clickondetroit.com/video/24374450/index.html

Mass Transit Treachery

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vd3D2w-OJxo&feature=player_embedded

There are very few differences between New York City mass transit and a three-ring circus. In fact the similarities are remarkably frightening.  First ticket prices are about the same.  At least if the MTA has its way by January 1, 2011 you can except to pay ten percent more for a ride on the greatest, moving show on earth. Ten percent more to  be bombarded on your daily commute by homeless barbershop quartets; Mariachi bands; N-bomb dropping Dominican teenagers; breakdancers doing coin drops in between poles; school kids selling M&M candies and Skittles for some phantom basketball league to keep them off the very same streets they’re hawking the candy on; Chinese dvd movie bootleggers; wide-eyed, fanny pack wearing, water bottle carrying, NYC street map and guidebook (pick a language) clutching, “Do you know what stop we get off?” asking- while studying the subway map tourists and this jackass.